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In last week’s Mastermind Group meditation, I asked folks to start out by looking at something in the room and finding all the things that are wrong with it. I chose a cup that at first appeared to be quite benign, till I let my Monkey Mind loose on it. Turns out it was a very upsetting cup, the source of many potential problems, and much in need of change!
This cup is really bugging me because:
it does not have any tea in it
it is cluttering up my desk.
It is sitting too close to the microphone cord to get a nice photo
Why is it still here?… it’s been hanging around for days!
i has an old dried up tea bag in it–disgusting.
the old tea bag’s string is not hanging straight
the string is missing a label, so i can’ read the fortune
it is now making me want some tea–very manipulative
it is not doing a thing to support me in getting that tea
now i’m going to have to interrupt the group and go make tea,
or suffer with this craving and be distracted, and they will all hate me and want to quit the group
This is what our brains are good at. Our chlidhood survival strategies tell us that if we focus on what is wrong and what could go wrong next and who is to blame for our emotional pain–if we make that ‘other’ into the enemy, we will not be blind-sided. This illusion of control is actually what CAUSES most of our pain (I have always loved this cup and it’s connection to Janne, and I was not craving tea till I got over ‘in the cups’ business.’) Notice how it goes from the simple criticism to extended criticisms (the string) as well as the consequences I project to future pain.
As the GIECO commercial says, “It’s what we do.”
Worst of all is when we use ‘hindsight’ to do it to ourselves. We reflect on what we have done in the past–whether 2 seconds or two years ago–and do this very thing. Finding fault with ourselves and our actions, and projecting dire consequences as a result. We re-live the specific act that plunges us into regret hell, and cringe when we think of who will be hurt or mad at us, and viscerally experience in our gut the fear of how we have sabotaged ourselves or our loved ones, and how we have only ourselves to blame, as our actions will create the exact opposite of what we want.
Today in that same Symmetry of Self-Love: Platinum Mastermind and Mentoring group, we will be starting our module on how to use the Wheel of Self Love (my first ‘big hit’ Happiness Hack) to transform regret, self-doubt, and indecision–it USE those painful states to propel ourselves to an even greater level of self-love, confidence, power, and prosperity than we had before we catalogued all the ways we had ‘DONE IT WRONG.’ I spent much of my life saying the totally irrelevant words “should have.” How do your kick yourself? Are you in regret hell RIGHT NOW about something? Comment below…. I’ll be happy to coach folks through the Wheel of Self-Love right here on this page if you’re willing to share what you just can’t get past or let go of below. xox
Again, you can get more of these kinds of posts, ask questions, support others, and share you insights and challenges on our new FB Group, HAPPINESS HACKS: The Science of Taking Life as It Comes (AKA…Shortcuts to feeling better fast!)