Tonight I counseled a couple about ongoing marital issues. What’s going on with them is very much like what’s going on with you guys right now.
In some ways it was a tough session for them that actually became not only a window into a lot of clarity about their dynamics, but ultimately a turning point for them. It became evident that if they don’t go into those most difficult places, they also can’t come back out of them. The tone became connected and supportive and relaxed and curious. Many of the big deal breaker issues are now behind them.
Progress Gained in our Session
We were able to dissect an issue that related to one of their parent’s health and in the ways each person was handling their stress. There was a sense of knowing that they are back on a path together and learning, each in their own way, these concepts that are helping them feel much more connected again.
Just knowing they have the tools and the support, and that they can use the things that upset them as a path to peace is making life much easier for them.
I hung up the phone and thought immediately of wanting to share that future, hopeful vision with you at a time when you may not be able to see a way through.
And you don’t need to…. In fact, the thought that “I need to know what’s going to happen with my father’s health” (the concept that we did The Work on) was in itself creating stress. The “I need to know….” story is one of the biggest ones that drives our anxiety – simply because we can’t know.
Relax about Needing to Know
So, if there’s a thought that you need to know how you’re going to get from where you are now to that better place that I saw with them tonight, that thought right there is a set up. It’s the mind’s effort to create the illusion of control in order to feel safe.
It turns out the ultimate safety is in the not knowing. In the being with reality as it shows up…. I like to say “free fall into life and let Love catch you. It always will. You just don’t get to decide what love looks like.” Love can look like something that feels really hard that had to happen as a step to where you’re going next.
When we inquire into anything that feels like “not love,” we come to find that what is actually there is NOTHING BUT LOVE. And you don’t have to believe me…. I see you finding it for yourselves each time a turnaround neutralizes the thought that took you away from the love of that moment. Even if that love felt bad or painful, it is ultimately a healing mirror.
So hang in there….
Much love. 😍