You’ve done a lot of work on yourself. You’re growing. You’re reading the books. Maybe you’re even getting lots out of being in one of our tiers, courses, or groups.
And yet… you’re still carrying so much.
If you’ve ever wondered why it still feels so hard—why old patterns keep looping, why the exhaustion won’t lift, why the peace never feels permanent—this message may be exactly what you need to read.
It’s something I wrote to a client recently. She’s been showing up in our group, attending retreats, texting me with breakthroughs and breakdowns. She’s doing “all the right things.”
But sometimes, what we really need—esp. at first while we are still suffering with our survival reactions almost daily— is a space where we don’t have to hold it all together. A place where the focus is only on you. Where your truth has room to breathe and your patterns and deeply-held old beliefs finally have a chance to shift—safely and sustainably.
Here’s what I wrote to her:
I know I wasn’t able to go further into the things you shared the other night on the group call, but I was really glad you brought them up and was happy to see you getting some shifts in perspective right on the spot. It made me want to come back to your early intuition about private coaching—that it might be the piece that would help you turn things around more efficiently and put those changes into action. I still believe that was a moment of clarity.
Even if you don’t end up doing a full year, I’ve seen enough—through the group, our texts, our session, and the retreat—to know how much you’re still carrying. And I believe you deserve some time where the focus is only on you.
Anytime you’re caught in a success/failure story, hating or trying to censor those little girl parts, reacting strongly to your mom, or afraid of others’ reactions… those are golden moments for deep healing. Especially after the insight you had about not telling anyone or getting help back then—those younger parts are still waiting for the support they didn’t get.
I want to make sure you’re truly using the Wheel of Self-Forgiveness and finding your innocence—not bypassing or excusing behaviors that sabotage you or others, but really seeing that they were born for very good reasons. I know you’ve been working hard and becoming more conscious, but I also see how much you’re still suffering.
You’re still seeking—reading everything, thinking deeply—but what would be amazing is going deeply to heal the roots of what’s happening in our just-right-for-you 90-minute sessions, and then in between, you put your real-time situations into text with me, walk through them together, rewire your response as it’s happening, and stay with it until it becomes a totally new pattern of emotional freedom and connection.
That’s what I want for you. Not just concepts, but applied peace.
So yes—I’m still recommending we set up private coaching. I wanted so much to stay with you the other night, but there are real limits to what we can do in a group. As powerful as the group is (and it is! it accelerates growth in beautiful ways), these tender parts of you—both the little girl and the adult woman who’s been in survival mode—deserve my full attention sometimes. To slow down, walk with you, and keep going until we reach a real shift.
I actually think they would love it. And begin to trust you more—to take care of them, to give them what they’ve always needed.
Your time in California could be a powerful opportunity to slow some of these patterns down. It would be good to start soon, especially with the transitions you’re navigating, both now and back in Maryland. I actually think your time in Maryland is a goldmine—and private coaching would help you make some clear, grounded decisions about your home, your pets, your relationships.
It would be such a good container for you. This kind of internal work—especially the kind you’ve wanted for so long—can be the difference between another year of spinning and finally shifting into a new level of peace, clarity, and confidence.
I also keep learning more about what you’re holding. For instance, you’ve only shared bits and pieces about your relationship—and very vaguely, which is totally fine—but in private coaching we’d explore that in a safe, specific way that would likely bring you clarity faster.
What you shift in there will ripple outward. You’ll be able to hold your clients, your partner, your mom… even your own reactions… differently. Because the truth is, some of those external criticisms are reflecting the system in your own head—the one that hasn’t allowed you much peace.
Let me know what you’re thinking.
My strongest recommendation (especially for someone experiencing this kind of chronic internal tension) is a combo of group and private coaching. They work in completely different, complementary ways.
The longer-term packages are more cost-effective, and honestly… so worth it. Another client is in her second year of private coaching, and she’s really a different person than when we started. I believe she’d say the same.
If a full year feels too much, we could start with six months. There’s also a 2-month (six-session) option, but to be honest, there’s something powerful about committing to the longer arc. This work brings you real change—not just relief in the moment—but that takes staying with it through the layers as they arise.
And you do get a discount on all private packages since you’re already in the group. No one who’s done both has ever regretted it.
I really hope you’ll see this as an investment in your well-being, not a cost. Because the daily toll—on your peace, your health, your relationship, your dreams—is far greater.
No pressure at all… but I do feel this strongly.
You’re here to find Relief—capital R. I’m not sure you were even fully letting yourself feel how much you were suffering before. And I also know you’re unlikely to find someone with the tools I bring and the kind of unwavering care and presence I offer.
It hurts when people offer flippant advice… I hated when people said “just do this” to me. Because if I could “just” do it, I would’ve.
This isn’t about pushing through. The survival stories have to unravel their own logic… that’s what lightens the load. That’s what brings true peace.
I don’t need you to share anything you don’t want to, but if you are using medication or self-medicating in some way, we can also work with that—gently, safely, and with awareness. Often, once the thought work starts doing its job, the grip of that other stuff starts to loosen. Sometimes it’s helpful to have both at the beginning—and then not so much.
Sorry for the long text—I just hope you feel the love in it, not pressure.
I’ve seen what happens when people like when other clients have given themselves the gift of someone who sees them, who always still loves them, who gets it—and who has the real, concrete tools to help.
You deserve that.
Even if it’s not long-term, you’re at a major turning point right now. You’ve said it yourself—you don’t want to look back and realize you stayed in the status quo. You want to make your life your own and bring your gifts to the world.
I really see you. I get what you’re up against. And I honestly believe this kind of support—whatever it takes—is the most generous thing you could do for yourself.
Your family might not say it, but deep down I bet they’d agree (especially if they had anything like this in their own lives). And if not… well, the new you will have a whole crew of cheerleaders—our group, the retreat circle, and most of all, your own inner circle.
Sending so much love. ❤️
Let me know what you’re thinking.
What This Means for You
If any part of this message touched something in you… trust that.
You don’t need to keep spinning, seeking, or silently suffering.
There is another way—one where your inner world softens, and the support matches the size of what you’re holding.
Ready to take the first step?
You can begin right now—no pressure, no obligation—just support.
👉 Join the Self-Solidarity Circle here for free to receive content, insight, and community support.
📩 Or email me directly at shawn@shawnmahshie.com if you want to talk about private coaching or next steps that fit where you are now.
You don’t have to carry it all anymore.