Do you feel the way you want to feel about all the people and circumstances in your life?
I recently watched a video by a hugely successful entrepreneur who is selling strategies he says will make you confident and move you to the next level of success. Two of his weekly modules were called something like:
FIND THE INNER VILLAIN
KILL THE INNER VILLIAN
The ad also promised to share lots of other wildly successful people’s approaches to success, with interviews that would reveal specific strategies to follow, tools to implement—even what to say to ourselves to see a different person when we look in the mirror each morning.
He was selling 5 weeks of training that it appears would make you as happy and successful as he is! He made me want to buy it!!!
One of his opening strategies was KILL THE VILLAIN! (I’ll write more about that in a second!)
The course sounds amazing, except—oh yeah–we’ve all been there done that.
We know what can happen when we pay the money, do the courses, then notice we are simply not implementing the tools and strategies, nor truly owning the beliefs behind them, and definitely not seeing this same level of success manifest in our lives.
Someone else’s “DO THIS” success strategies often end up playing out VERY minimally in our own lives…. Those great ‘to-do lists’ are up against some pretty strong inner programming that is our very own. Affirming over it can just make it scream louder and act out more.
So we start to compare ourselves to a picture of what we SHOULD be doing. We truly believe we SHOULD BE more confident, or successful, or in less pain, or more enlightened.
The habitual MIND-MADE COMPARISON to we ‘SHOULD BE’ is the worst confidence robber of all; the one that most robs of being the dear, innocent, and awakened-enough presence we ARE.
It turns out that, despite our intentions, or what others teach that we hope to assume as our own, we simply show up the way we show up.
AND, that is more perfect than our monkey minds can begin to fathom—because once you know how to harness the pain and dysfunction, it will evolve you to a COMPLETELY NEW PLACE. It did me.
We just were never taught how to ‘real-ize’ this totally freeing and fun realization.
We absolutely cannot show up at a level that is beyond our own evolution—no matter how many expensive courses we take or freebies we latch onto.
What I am talking about is—as someone wrote to me the other day—the “REAL DEAL”:
Letting your OWN hurt places evolve you from the inside out. We are not going to KILL THE VILLAIN, we are going to harness its dear, amazing love for you (the force behind its insistence on using doom-and-gloom self-talk in its efforts to WARN YOU and SAVE YOU.)
This force is LOVE—it wants the best for you! It just got hold of some twisted information that makes it appear to be terrorizing you, and taking away the very things you want most for yourself.
ONCE YOU HAVE HARNESSED THAT LOVE YOU HAVE FOR YOURSELF and YOUR DREAMS, ALL YOUR ENDEAVORS WILL CHANGE.
Folks spend SO MUCH MONEY on strategies to build their businesses or fix their bodies or find the perfect relationship. And when you take those courses, they all tell you it’s 90% inner game.
They show you how your inner game is getting in the way of your success. So now you have more thing to beat yourself up for—the fact that your inner game and your stuck stories are sabotaging you at every turn. But they don’t tell you how to shift that inner game.
And yet here, I share a really and truly fool-proof way of helping that inner game shift FOR REAL and FOR GOOD (your GOOD and others).
But folks—who are struggling in small business or life and saying “I don’t have enough money or time for your GROUP or INDIVIDUAL INTENSIVE”– are throwing thousands of dollars after strategies that their inner game will not allow them to implement.
You do the math. Here is the information and registration page, and there are the webinar links—available till tomorrow night if you want to listen to what this shift looks like.
[And if you want to Read More about this Villain thing, you can KEEP READING below the PS. xox.]
PS–If you don’t want to read more right now, but just want to grab a spot in a group where you will evolve to YOUR OWN inner knowing that will guide you in all other strategies — let you see for yourself the tailor-made peace YOUR OWN PAIN is kindly wanting to teach–then
MORE ABOUT YOU AND THAT VILLAIN!
The way we are showing up is absolutely and always the VERY best we can do–or we would have done ‘better’ (but the mind likes to play God by second-guessing what would be better than who we currently are or what we currently have. It believes it is helping us; it’s all very well-meaning, but does indeed appear to be the VILLAIN).
So we notice we are NOT showing up in these ways that are supposed to make us happy, and we make ourselves —or the things we are believing that we see are driving the bus—into the bad guy.
We may also blame another person or circumstance—past, present, or even our story of how they will show up in the future. One old radio announcer used to call that “Hatin’ Life.”
The” VILLIAN” that this guru is referring to (that he will help us recognize) is likely those comprised of these very same success-robbing thoughts. These habitual beliefs are definitely a good thing to recognize.
But our big mistake is in making whatever it is we believe (that keeps us from being who we want to be) into the VILLAIN–and then believing that we must KILL THIS VILLIAN, or whatever robs us of feeling the way we want to feel.
After all, it IS only and always all about feeling the way we want to feel.
But trying to KILL THE VILLIAN just makes it cling more tenaciously to us.
What we were never taught is how the VILLIAN that creates that pain is holding the key to what we DO want to feel, once we know what to do with it.
I noticed one day when I felt the fear in my gut (of talking with someone about a difference of opinion), that it wasn’t what the other person would say or do that I feared.
It wasn’t even the outcome that I was dreading.
It was how I would FEEL about those things all that was scaring me.
I had gone along my whole life with a skewed perception:
Suddenly I realized what I really fear are not the events or outcomes or people; I fear what I most dread FEELING about the events or outcomes or people.
I clearly saw the old adage that ‘the only thing I really have to fear is fear itself (or anger, or sadness, or regret…).’
I realized I was TERRIFED of going into emotional states I felt I didn’t know how to handle. We often truly believe we can’t stand feeling a certain way.
THAT’s the fear driving all fears.
I also feared my own reactions and the consequences they would have for others.
(But in the end, even that was about how I would feel—as the hell of regret was familiar and very painful territory for me.)
A DIFFERENT WORLD
What if you NO LONGER FEARED your own intense emotional states or unwanted knee-jerk reactions to life?
What if you knew what to do with the hell of regret?
What if even the way you FEEL about physical pain would change the experience of pain completely.
What would be left to fear?
Wouldn’t that leave you confident and unstoppable in any situation—NO MATTER WHAT?
FEELING CLUELESS WHAT TO DO
So let’s get REALLY honest.
When we fear our own feelings and reactions, it is because we feel clueless what to do with them.
We feel clueless because they are the same complex of feelings—UNIQUE TO OUR HISTORY—that we haven’t known what to do with over the course of much of our lives.
They are the ones that rob us of our joy and our delicious connection to life, others, and our dear self when they show up.
Over and over and over and over and over and over again.
We hate them. We dread them. They are the villain.
WE WANT TO KILL THEM!!!!
What we really have not been taught is that these states (and the thinking that creates them) represent our most innocent self, a part of us that is stuck in a child-like or unenlightened view of what is happening in that moment.
Trying to kill these ‘VILLIANs’ just contributes to the story of fear; in facts it just SCARES these dear little ones and reinforces the idea that life is not a safe place.
This brings the VILLAIN back even more strongly, with more ‘evidence’ in its “YOU can’t be happy, confident, successful” arsenal.
In fact the idea that we need to kill, push away, avoid, or ‘affirm-over” these fears just deepens the belief that something “bad” can actually happen.
It puts mind-made and societally programmed conditions on reality, on other people, on ourselves: “You have to show up THIS WAY in order for life to be safe and for me to feel OK.”
Life becomes AMAZING when you know how to EMBRACE and HEAL these littlest parts of ourselves and clean up the stories they came to believe for GOOD.
Rather than kill them, we set them free, send them out to play, stop making them responsible for parts what is absolutely out of their control.
Suddenly, instead of the VILLAIN, each dastardly emotional state and regrettable reaction to life have become your greatest teachers, your most generous friends, and a bottomless source of unstoppable child-like creativity, peace, freedom, and fun.
They are just YOU, letting YOU know where you are ready to grow.
Knowing how to lovingly hold the villains inside and out, the people and situations we fear or despise—especially our own ways of being and acting…. Well this changes EVERYTHING.
For me, it first resulted in truly RADICAL RELIEF from the pain of the RELATIONSHIPS I had with those closest to me, with myself, and with life—in short with anything I thought had the potential to show up into the villain (especially my own thinking).
Now I know that whatever appears to upset, scare, or sadden me holds the key to far greater peace, freedom, and connection than I had before I was upset—now that I know what to do with it.
These painful states are our breadcrumb trail back to connection to self, others, and life as it shows up—it’s what I call living and loving without condition.
My whole relationship with life has changed now that I no longer need to hate, fear, or avoid events and people that could trigger my most painful states.
I noticed I had undergone an actual paradigm shift. A whole new way of relating to the events life brings.
Knowing what to do with our dreaded emotions and regrettable reactions changes our relationship to our relationships in a way that we simply were not taught.
Whatever level of peace and happiness you have to your Relationship to your business, your children, your body, your partner or your friends, putting to work whatever is left that still upsets you is the almost instantaneous path back to dependable peace and delicious connection to yourself, others, and life.
It is absolutely Reliable; I have found no exceptions. That’s why I started calling this phenomenon the Reliable Symmetry of Happiness. What is reflected to us via WHATEVER HURTS shows us how to NOT HURT.
And it goes much deeper than that. It is a roadmap for what ways of relating to life feel really really GOOD and feed the part of you that was hurting: That’s why I call it RADICAL RELATIONSHIP RELIEF.
You don’t have to buy into any dogma or believe anyone or try to implement a strategy that doesn’t fit.
What a cool thing it is—a TRUE GAME CHANGER–to see for yourself that everything is happening FOR you—not TO you.
There is no circumstance when I am the victim, as I find that the VERY thing that causes me pain inherently holds the lasting relief from that pain that I had been seeking, when I am willing to do The Work on it.
It was always an inside job. There are no outside enemies. This will take you in a deeper and deeper spiral into you own non-dualtiy—there is only ONE true self, which you get to love or hate via your relationships to yourself, others, and life.
Come along and LOVE the villain with me. With absolute reliability, it whatever appears as your worst enemy comes bearing your own tailor-made RADICAL RELATIONSHIP RELIEF.