[Birthday Blog PART 3] Go Beyond Damage Control to LIVABLE Dreams & LOVABLE Outcomes

Beyond Damage Control

Part of the mission of our year-long Symmetry of Self-Love Mastermind and Mentoring group is not to just “put out the fires” of what upsets us, but rather to enjoy creating goals and intentions for ourselves even as we realize we are not in control of what unfolds.

While folks DO get great results by attending to and accepting and even coming to feel gratitude for what hurts, the whole journey in this group and life is about going BEYOND that….   We come to discover for ourselves that our mind’s prescriptions for what ‘SHOULD’ or ‘SHOULD HAVE’ happened are completely irrelevant and our predictions for what will ‘MAKE US HAPPY’ are often completely wrong.

I witness daily–once clients really discover that your mind cannot predict or accurately interpret what is needed in any situation–how the mind begins to INCORPORATE that data into a new paradigm of faith in whatever ultimately shows up, and willingness to receive the gifts of questioning any negative reactions to it.

When we see through the old story, we emerge with curiosity and a new vision of what feels good and aligned inside us.   And that freedom just keeps coming as we work through the stories that would get in the way of “going confidently in the direction of living this fresh organically REAL-ized vision.” (Thoreau paraphrased–haha).

Best Laid Plans

One member, who used to get demoralized and give up when things didn’t go the way she had planned, would sink into depression, anxiety, and alienation as she abandoned her plans (and her dear self), believing that if things didn’t unfold exactly as she had visualized them, the plan was “stupid” to start with and that made her “all wrong.”  After working with this, she started to witness the beginnings of a life-shift in that propensity to beat herself up or give up on her plans at the first downturn.  She told me:

“I am practicing. I’m celebrating that I’m starting to help myself out! I see that I get to make and enjoy my plans, and move forward with them, but that is where my part ends.”

Recipe for a Happy Life

When we achieve this openness to what shows up—when we enjoy our plans AND our own best efforts AND the outcomes we are handed (which include the best efforts of others as well)–we basically have a happy life!  We are either having a love affair with our plans while still curious about how all the pieces outside our control will come together!  And if our reactions to what shows up are painful, that’s the thread back to more peace and freedom!  (The way OUT is back IN.)

It turns out that the old, well-meaning attempt to correct and control our behavior by beating ourselves up or resenting others is not only totally ineffective, but further undermines our ability to “go confidently” in the direction of anything (except maybe the refrigerator or the staging of a drama-filled sideshow).

And even the pain caused by those ‘diversions and distractions’ from living in and with the flow deserve our kind and understanding attention to get to the bottom of them. Becoming the CCC, the Curious, Compassionate Caretaker of those parts of us always lead us back to creativity, openness, and new energy.

How It Works

Here’s how one client began Living her Dreams and Loving the Outcomes:

  • She went back to what was creating the horrible feelings, and questioned the thinking behind them. Having worked through the pain to a really free and relaxed place,
  • She followed what felt good in her body, and noticed that whenever she doubted that ‘good place’ she returned to feeling ‘not good.’ From this,
  • She learned that she could just let herself have the vision that comes to her at this stage of her evolution as the highest good for herself, her loved ones, and the planet. Then,
  • She noticed that when she didn’t put one foot before the other and “go confidently in the direction of her dreams” and “live the life” she had just imagined for herself, she felt crappy! (She was unable to thrive in the peace of that self-solidarity she had found and let her dreams play out, because she kept leaving herself to go believe the habitual “YES, BUT…s.”)  We both saw that, as long as
  • She did her part, questioned the old “Yes, But…s”, and stayed with herself long enough to solve problems (rather than abandoning her vision because others didn’t believe in it or there were hurdles), then she was able to
  • Put one foot in front of the other, and also let reality do its part, even when it colored outside her lines.  Instead of bucking the tide of what comes when it differs from our PLAN, or giving up, as she had been doing much of her life,
  • She got to work in sweet partnership with ‘the Great What’s Happening’ and noticed how things unfolded even better than she had imagined.
  • LIVE THE DREAM; LOVE THE OUTCOME….NO matter what shows up.  And when you can’t that’s your ticket to do more surgery on what you’re believing! (That’s the basic route I have taken to experience all this prosperity and love!).

Child-Like Creativity and Care-FREE Action Embodied

When we come back to the resistant and rebellious parts that are planting their feet and blocking  our flow; when we really become willing to hear and inquire into what they are telling us, that attention we give them clears up our fears.

What is left then is childlike creativity released and care-free action embodied. You’ll begin living in curiosity and flow, thoroughly enjoying your grand plans and fantasies, and at the same time showing up 100% for what actually does unfold. We take a spiritual leap forward that allows tangible progress in our lives.

Stay tuned for the rest the Next Installment of this “Go Confidently BLOG series!”