What would “not enough” really mean when it comes to what gets accomplished? Where is the line between enough and not enough, and who is the decider anyway? If you think it’s YOU, you’re going to be hurting, because there are so many variables at play besides what your monkey-mind decides is important and meets the criteria ‘ENOUGH”!
It’s a new world when you move start “Move confidently in the direction of your dreams” AND be totally curious about and open to whatever actually shows up! (and when you can’t love what shows up, check to see what conditions you’ve invented to govern the unfolding of reality–or call me!)
And please celebrate with me the amazing, brave, sweet, fun, radically loving and full-of-integrity individuals who have been learning to do JUST THAT, and who report much more peace, happiness, and connection in their lives via the just-ended Radical Relationship Relief Group Intensive! YAY! It’s all about seeing where our minds have placed conditions on people and events.
Group participants I’ve met with reported a huge drop in anxiety, anger, and alienation (some up to 80%!); with the overarching sentiment being that they couldn’t believe how quickly their new mindset resulted in real, tangible changes taking place so quickly in their lives (ie, after all those years of counseling and the spiritual journey, they didn’t think The world (their relationship to everyone and everything) feels happier, lighter, and much more hopeful and less scary–since knowing how to USE whatever upsets us leaves a dependable sense of peace). YAY!
While our minds keep placing conditions on situations (i.e., definitions of how we and others need to show up to ensure our happiness), we start to be able to spot those conditions and the consequences of holding onto them very quickly. Over time, the mind-made stories of what “should” happen in any given situation have less and less meaning or hold on us (and after a while they rarely show up at all). We see that it is JUST the comparison between what we thought should happen and what is happening that causes us pain.
Once we embrace the happy symmetry held in whatever upsets us, we can quickly turn around the mind-made ‘shoulds’ that can still trigger us, and even proactively TURN AROUND the exact wording of those arbitrary conditions to reveal a far more dependable path to peace in any situation than the one we thought was needed to keep us happy.
When I spot myself motoring through a really uncomfortable comparison to what I think should be getting done and when, I can now quickly and really compassionately question those stress-inducing thoughts–which removes the arbitrary conditions–and almost immediately open myself to all the ways I could be totally happy (besides the way I thought things needed to go!)
Just like the day when I met Kevin, we can move into simple curiosity about what will actually take place. Their has been a very welcome cessation in second-guessing in my life and a welcome ability to receive what shows up instead!!
As a continuation from Sunday’s post about how to ALWAYS accomplish enough, I share a slice of that day and all the surprising outcomes I could have never predicted, which made it so clear how absurd it would be to regret that I didn’t have more control over life or could accomplish anything I had planned! (Click here if you didn’t get a chance to read Part I):
“I am celebrating exactly how I show up and what got accomplished today–so different from the day I had planned or the priorities that my monkey mind told me were so important.
The result of the unfolding of this actual Shawn-Day looked like this…. I had blocked all my appointments to finally write and rest and take care of some critical deadlines…but then the folks I had hired to help me clean the garage and wash the skylights showed up even though I had texted asking them to come the next day (It was literally freezing outside) …. So I worked with them for much of the day de-cluttering my huge boat-building workshop…. We didn’t completely finish nor did they squeegee the skylights in time for my next vacation rental guests to come–and I certainly didn’t get any writing, resting, or progress toward my deadlines done…because after we went to the dump, they invited me to their sister’s house for an amazing, laughter-filled, late lunch…where very little English was spoken and we sat and enjoyed the warmth of an incredible El Salvadoran beef stew with a number of vegetables I’ve never eaten, while a beautiful yellow cockatiel named “Kevin” (who after being named as a male started laying eggs) sat on our host’s head! It was an amazing day that ended with a delightful wander around a carnival called Whole Foods letting myself be inspired by goodies for my daughter’s visit home.
If you ever start to believe the illusion of control, or think you can plan your day, notice days like this–where your mind’s plans had nothing to do with what happened, which is so much better than your wildest dreams!!!
And if you’re saying to yourself, “BUT… What about the days when it all goes wrong?” then you may want to look at another post about the blessed day I had just before Thanksgiving when my tire blew out and all kinds of “bad” things happened. Message, call, or email me if you want to get a copy of that or inquire deeply with me into something in your life that feels all wrong and still painful to recall.
I LOVE what I’ve been living into for the past few years that just keeps getting better and better–where I notice that what does get done IS the only priority. Where I use any anxiety and resistance to wake myself up to the conditions and judgments I’ve placed on reality. Where a NO (to what I thought was going to unfold) becomes a YES to what actually does (the module my group just completed–Free-Fall into Life “as-is”).
Our only work is to find the story that would tell us the reality we have is wrong because it doesn’t match the conditions we see in our minds.
That constant looking over my shoulder and separating from what I am doing–to ally myself with a story that says what I SHOULD BE doing–caused a huge level of anxiety and self-criticism in my life that is almost gone. I still get to hold the happy dream of what I’m going to accomplish in any given moment, and proactively move toward that, then humbly wait and see what actually DOES happen.
I’m so grateful for the level of energy, focus, and productivity that emerges without the drain and distraction of reacting to the thought that something different ‘could have’ happened. I like being the silent watcher of exactly what ‘should have’ gotten accomplished (should have because it DID–and there IS nothing more).
SO, TA-DA !!!!! And a toast to what you did and did not get accomplished–it all gets done in perfect time.
Since it is only the mind-made conditions we place on this grand unfolding reality that make us unhappy, even the simplest shift in our ability to use that very same intellect to question these stories CHANGES EVERYTHING about the way the world looks. That’s why I call it a paradigm shift–it SO shifts people’s intense angst about what gets done (or doesn’t get done)!
Finally, once we know where to look, we can forgive ourselves for however things unfold–even if no one else does–by finding the innocence behind the chain of decisions that led us to the stressful moment.
If we take an honest look, we will always unearth what I call the “Spark of Love” for ourselves or another behind every move we made. That does not mean we don’t accept consequences or make amends for damage we have done, it just means we can see the innocence in what we were believing when we made the choices we made.
When we start to get our minds ‘right sized,’ we can actually love relaxing into the safety of how little control we have. It is really the illusion that we should have control that creates anxiety, anger, and separation.
The whole thing is an inside job; so taking care of it never has to wait for circumstances or others to change.
That little shoulder bird might still be talking and sometimes even screaming at me and the folks who just completed this group, but now that we know how to use his/her words to instruct us about the REAL path to happiness, life feels so much friendlier.
Watching ME (i.e., the big all-that-is SELF) unfold is such an adventure!
Come on with us–
I love you.
PS–I look forward to moving on in later January with many of our folks to the next leg of our ‘way-transformative’ journey using these totally reliable steps to end the ongoing internal war with ourselves. If you want to reliably undo anxiety, confusion, regret, indecision, and most of all separation–from yourself, others, and life– Email me if you want to know more. Or CLICK HERE to get information about my new programs: Expedite Happiness: Change your Mind in 180 Days, the RSH Expedite Happiness Club Platinum Coaching, or The Shift of a Lifetime (SOAL).
Or just call +1-301-785-0545 (I mean it! I’d love to talk with you.)