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How Self-Solidarity Transforms Family Dynamics at X-mas

#anger “Mom is going to be an emotional wreck because the pies aren’t perfect”

#shame “I’ve still not lost the weight they judged me for last Christmas”

#guilt “Uncle Bob is going to get on my case about finishing my degree again”

#blame “If they were just better parents, their kids wouldn’t be such spoiled brats.”

As we approach the Christmas Holiday, so many are looking forward to time with family and friends. It can be a magical time of year.

For those who have fear and anxiety around emotional triggers, the thought of interacting with family members can be daunting and plans for celebrations can be overwhelming.

So often these feelings arise because we have a thought. The thought that we want the thing—the person or situation-—to BE DIFFERENT THAN IT IS.

That thought—comparing reality with what we think it “should” be—is what is causing our emotional suffering.

In my last email I shared some of the sweet supportive aspects of SELF SOLIDARITY. I’d like to show you how applying these to family situations can be completely freeing.

Self-Solidarity provides a sense of UNSHAKABLE SAFETY…

No matter how others behave, who is angry, or even walks away. Even if someone brings in high drama, we don’t need to abandon our scared self to “fix it.” We stand with, by, and for ourselves, through it all.

Having SELF-SOLIDARITY means ENDING THE CYCLE OF BLAME AND SHAME. No matter how challenging or deeply rooted this cycle is for us, and within generations of our family, we know the way out. It no longer matters how relatives see us or target us.

SELF-SOLIDARITY gives us the choice to surround ourselves with others that INSPIRE, ENCOURAGE, AND EMPOWER. We stand in our own empowerment in moments we are caught in a potentially dis-empowering situation, still loving those who can’t support us without putting our well-being in their hands.

When my mom died on Christmas Eve, I was able to move in a relaxing, refreshing, RELIABLE kind of SELF-LOVE…. no longer wracked with regret, self-criticism, and not-enoughness, like my “old self.” It made all the difference to some members of my family who thought the timing would mean Christmas Eve would always be sad. We now celebrate her each year as our special angel that night.

Having SELF-SOLIDARITY means we are ending SELF-HATRED, SHAME, and REGRET. We experience and model for others how to stay in trust and openness to what life brings.This can’t help but bring peace to others—our family, friends, and others we meet.

Isn’t that our deepest desire? Peace on Earth. I wish that for you—inside and out—this holiday season.

Peacefully Yours

🙂 Shawn

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